The little green dot....

Last night i found myself awake, staring at the little green dot on Emery's baby monitor...this isn't unusual in fact it has happened nearly every night since she came home. Although our rooms are only separated by the bathroom, i feel better when i can hear every blip,burp,cough and hiccup..or silence. The little green dot gives me comfort it says to me that everything is alright.
I have found myself lying awake a lot more over the last week, because we found out last tuesday that J is deploying in May. Last night as i stared at the little green dot, i wished that there was a little green dot that would tell me everything was okay while he is away. I wish there was just some sign that told me yep he's doing good, everything is calm. I know there isn't anyway for me to know for sure unless i am talking to him, but a gal can wish right.
This deployment snuck up on us completely and i feel completely unprepared and i feel like i am spiraling out of control, everyday i wake up with a new batch of unanswered questions...questions that won't have answers until he deploys.
Will Emery forget about her daddie?
Will she be mad that he isn't around?
Will Emery get sick of me?
Will i be able to play the role of both mommy and daddy?
Will i fall apart when i don't wake up next to him?
How will i pull myself out of bed in the morning?
Will he feel the same about me when he returns?
The list goes on...

I hope that i am a good enough mommie for Emery while her daddy is away and i hope that i dont fall apart, but only time will tell and 7 weeks go by to fast.. and we will miss him so much.