another baby??

J and I are often asked when do we want to have our next child. I would be lying if i said i didnt think about it. I do quite frequently. Many women i know from babycenter who have an October 08 baby are pregnant again or are trying, which blows my mind props to you ladies because i could not deal with 2 under 2! or 2 under 1 for that matter!

At this point we are not even sure we want another, next time around will be very difficult i will be a highrisk prenancy, and knowing that we also know that it means lots of bedrest. So if we decided to have another one we would want Emery to be at an age where she doesnt rely on me 24/7 and can play with friends , so most likely if we decide to have another one, Emery will be 4 or 5 at LEAST. J is very much in love with Emery, she is everything to him and its obvious anytime those 2 are in the room together they almost light eachother up, and i love that. I had the same connection with my dad. J would be 100% content with Just Emery and So would I, so i guess only time will tell.

If i had known then...

This is a picture of me at 29 weeks 4 days.. The day before i gave birth to Emery...
I actually remember taking this picture i remember thinking.. Wow my body looks so beautiful, I can not wait to meet her... (i could have waited a bit longer though)
Sometimes i wish i could have known, maybe then i could have prepared myself mentally..
Maybe my mom could have been there to hold my hand with j and help me push...
Maybe i could have gotten that first dose of steroid shots that way she could have had the recommended 2 dosages to help her lungs mature..
Maybe i would have had all the birth certificate papers and all the other papers already filled out that way i wouldnt have had to spend 2 hours after giving birth trying to remember stupid things like my address and social lol (i really forgot my social)
Maybe i would have been more prepared..or maybe not..
9 1/2 months later and i still have a tremendous amount of guilt.
I know she is doing AMAZINGLY well but it still hurts, every month for 8 months out of the year she has to get a shot that healthy newborns dont have to...she has to see special doctors to check her progress..any little cough or cold could mean a hospital stay..
We have all been through alot. My sister is pregnant, she has a condition known as a incompetent cervix...chances are she will also deliver prematurely..I can only hope that our experience keeps her strong and that she lets faith guide her way.

Some of the best people

Have you ever noticed that some of the best people in your life came out during the worst times..

When Emery was in the hospital i met some of the most amazing people who i still care about deeply and who care about Emery as well as J and myself. One of Emery's nurses was an awesome guy named Jeff he is a corpsman in the navy and the same age as me so we naturally got along great, he loves Emery he would sing to her and rock her when we weren't there, he made the sign that went on her isolette that said her name, That sign meant so much to me, more then he will probably ever realize it made me feel comfortable that someone cared about my little girl whom they JUST met enough to make her a beautiful sign I still have the sign and it will be in her baby book right next to a picture of Jeff holding her on the day she graduated. We have seen Jeff since then a few times, but we talk to him a lot through facebook, myspace we run into him on occasion on the beach. We all love him so much and he loves Emery, and that means the world to me.

Another amazing person was her primary nurse Nicole, she was amazing she loved Emery and she would call me to tell me to bring more milk or just to tell me that Emery was waiting for us.. she was in a hospital 40 miles from our house. She was always amazing to us explaining anything that needed to be done or medical terms we didn't understand she loved Emery like she was her own child , having people care for my child that loved her meant the world to me.. When we left the nicu Nicole gave us some awesome gifts our favorite is a bracelet that Emery wears all the time that says her name in sterling silver with pearls and svarosky crystals.. Its beautiful and every time i look at it i am reminded of the love from Nicole.

I am so thankful for the people in our lives. We have truly been blessed. I can not wait for Emery to look back and see how total strangers fell in love with her and cared for her and helped her to thrive. I know that she will forever be grateful for the love she has been shown.

OHIO!

Emery and I our flying home next month for 11 days to see our families J isn't coming because he is saving his leave for the holidays and my birthday. I have to thank my wonderful sister in law for using her frequent flier miles to fly us home so amazingly sweet, because otherwise i couldn't go home for a while it is just to expensive! This trip is very important to me because my brother and sister in law and my nephew all just moved back to Ohio and they have yet to meet Emery and i haven't seen them in almost 2 years!! Also my husbands sister is due around when we go home with her 2nd child my 8th nephew.. AND... My sister is pregnant and she is due to get her surgery for her incompetent cervix while I'm home so I'm going to be their for her!

As excited as i am for this trip i am NERVOUS. We flew with emery when she was 4 months but J was with me and Emery slept the whole time now she is a crazy 9 month old who wants to explore everything.. And a layover in Chicago meaning my first flight is close to 6 hours long (insert surprised smiley here) I also have to make sure that I can get Emery her synagis before i leave or while we are home.. RSV is something I'm not willing to risk! Now I'm trying to figure out how many cloth diapers i will need for the flight..how to pack all my cloth diapers plus our clothes and not go over 50 lbs...ahhhh.. can you tell I'm stressed.. I'm sure it will all work out!
and hey maybe while were home Emery will finally crawl!

On another note..I'm still waiting on the referral for the pediatric optamologist...ugh

why is it..

why is it that people always feel the need to give you parenting advice when your not asking for it..

I always thought my parents and siblings would be the ones to do this but they do not (which i love) unless i call with a specific question they usually always support my parenting decisions (have i mentioned i love my family) However most everytime we go out at least one person feels the need to a baby advocate and give me some crazy parenting advice ..
like today at chipoltle we gave Emery a paper menu to play with she loves paper and it keeps her busy so she was playing with it and flailing it around.. and the lady in front of us turns around and says "she is going to poke herself in the eye with that" i replied with , her own nails do more damage.... when she realized i didnt care what she had to say she bent down to emerys height in her stroller and said i just dont want to see you get hurt (implying what exactly...that i did!) lol.. i always just dismiss peoples comments but i couldnt help but laugh when she asked emerys age and then replied with wow she is SO BIG for 9 months.... (hmm i can honestly say I HAVE NEVER HEARD THAT ABOUT HER) normally its oh she is so small blah blah blah..

some other shitty advice i have gotten...
"you shouldnt wear your baby like an accesory" this was directed at me while carrying emery in a moby at seaworld

i have gotten way more but i cant think ..i need sleep
off to bed!

9 month check up

( Im pretty sure i have a senior picture where im striking this exact pose lol)

Emery had her 9 month well baby yesterday she ways a big 18 lbs even and she is 27.5 inches MY oh My has she grown! The doctor noticed that Emery's right eye turns inwards its a condition called esotropia and she may need glasses, we have to wait for her appointment with the eye doctor to be sure but either way.. I think she would look cute in glasses! He checked her ears and there was no fluid so the amoxicillian a few weeks ago did its job yay!
I will be back later with a better post...hopefully