The green eyed monster that is me..

I try not to write about myself to often.. I am not very interesting.
But today i will share a side of myself to you all that I am not proud of.

My sister is pregnant and throwing an AWESOMELY huge baby shower..and I'm jealous. So GOD DAMN jealous.. I'm jealous for so many reasons, some are petty, some i guess are a bit normal.. (i hope) .. We had our baby shower planned for November back in Ohio.. We were supposed to be going home then for thanksgiving and have the shower the Saturday after thanksgiving.. Invites were sent, decorations were bought, people had RSVP'd..
But.. Emery came before then. So no baby shower..
Everyone tried to make it right by sending gift cards and congratulation cards..but it wasn't right.
as my sister refers to it (we were robbed).. in a way i feel like we were.. and not of gifts or anything like that.. but of those moments.. measuring the belly, laughing about how i couldn't see my feet, guessing her weight.. all those things every mom wants..
There were so many things i wanted to do before Emery came rapidly into the world.. I wanted to plaster cast my belly, i wanted to have a 3d ultrasound... I wanted to be ready.
..
Emery's birthday is rapidly approaching..and i still feel guilty and jealous , very jealous of women who had no complications, could breastfeed to this one year mark.. I hope one day i will have answers as to why she came so early, but until then i will be thankful to God for letting me experience this miracle and remember he picked me to be a preemie mom because he knew i was strong enough.

I can not wait to meet baby Colten and i could not be more excited for my sister and Jon. They deserve this so much..They will be amazingly wonderful parents..