Being Mommy

Being mommy means so many things... here is just MY little list of what
"Being mommy" means



Being mommy means

- that the diaper bag has everything for any situation from diapers to jumper cables and everything in between

- In stead of carring around that cute coach clutch you got last year , you now carry around a bag big enough to be an airplane carryon.

- your ipod isnt just filled with your favorite tunes, it now has a category of baby lullabies and soothing sounds along with some classical music.

- your child owns more shoes then you do( i never thought that was possible)

- You would rather spend money on an outfit or toy for your child then treating yourself to a manicure or a new bra that you desperately need.

- You cry more then your child when they get shots or hurt themselves

- You have more numbers in your phonebook that are for your child then you have of your own friends and family.

- You have gone more then 3 days without a shower, and you dont really care.

- You now look up the newest cool baby product instead of looking up the newest fashion trends.

- You get excited when you get a coupon in the mail for $3 off a pack of pampers.

- You stopped buying your own lotion and started using the babies because well hey it smells good and you have lots of it!

- You have tasted every baby food, even the apples and ham dinner, because well...just because.

- You have at least once had puke in your mouth that wasnt yours..

- You love your little one unconditionally and cant even remember what life was like before they entered the world.

This is my list of what being a mother means to me.

Emery is my world, she is everything i have ever wanted.. She is my hero

(sorry for the video being so dark!)

My little fighter

Emery has proven from the moment she entered this world that she was a litle fighter (gets that from her daddie)

Yesterday she had a bad fever, and i got her into see the doctor today..
she has an infection her cheeks are red and puffy and so are her eyes. She has fluid in her ears and a tiny bit in her lungs. We were given Amoxicillin and while we were there they bumped up our zantac (yay). The dr seemed a little concerened stating that if things progressed to bring her in tomorrow that way she can be evaluated further.

I hate not being able to just make her better, i cant feel her pain, all i can feel is the heat radiating off of her from the high fever. I am sitting in the living room bouncing her in her bouncer while she sleeps (her favorite way to fall asleep)
She is trully my inspiration, my little hero. I never knew that the biggest most inspiring thing in my life would be a 3 lb 12 oz little girl.

I hope she recovers quickly , because although i know she could handle another hospital stay
Im just not sure if i could. Im not as strong as her.

Awake

I am up
Wide awake
because Emery has a fever of 101.6

It is always scary when something is wrong with your child no matter there age, i remember being 16 with pink eye in both eyes, and my mom bringing me home anything to make it better and my dad staying home from his odd jobs to be with me..

When Emery shows any signs of illness i immediately go in to panic mode!
Whats wrong? how? why? when? what do i do?
I read all these books about the ages and what constitutes as a fever
But, do i go by corrected or actual for temperature, or do i meet somewhere in the middle
There is no book that comes with having a preemie, no one to tell you exactly what to do in a particular situation..
Sometimes i feel a tremendous amount of guilt over having her so early, I even have dreams or well nightmares about it..Why was my body incapable of holding her for 40 weeks? Why didn't i just go to the doctors even when they told me i wasn't in labor and i just KNEW i was ?
WHY WHY WHY?

I have so many questions and no answers, i suppose i will never get the answers.
But maybe that is what God wants..
He wanted to show us a miracle in the shape of a 3lb baby girl.

So now i am up cherishing my miracle, wondering , worrying.. about everything.

I hope this fever breaks and that we dont need to do another hospital stay
I don't think J or I could handle another hospital stay.. and i dont want to see emery hooked up to a monitor for a long long time.

BIG

Friday the nurse came

16 lbs 7 oz

I was shocked! Somehow overnight my little preemie has turned into this
Vibrant, Happy, Gorgeous, TINY TODDLER

The nurse gave me some amazing news, news that i always dread at these appointments
Emery is on track with her actual age, actually even a little advanced. Were not even going by
her corrected age anymore except for the growth charts. What mom wouldnt want to hear that!

We have bumped up her solids, but i have to be really careful because the reflux has gotten worse so i have to be careful what i give her and the acidity content so no more carrots sorry Emmie i know those are your favorite.

Emery has been very lovey lately, smiling at us whenever she sees us! Cuddling with us whenever we pick her up, the other morning Emmie and I were laying in bed napping and she looked up at me and there was SO much love in her eyes. She can't speak but with just that look i could tell she was saying. Mom, I love you! It made me cry , but i snapped a picture before that its the one at the top of the page, because for some strange reason i cant get pictures to go at the bottom or the middle URGH!

We also bought a new car YAY! 07 chrsyler sebring its beautiful and luxurious, im very happy that it wont be such a struggle to put Emery in the car!

Okay well that is all for this post, hopefully some more interesting stuff happens soon so i can stop boring you all !
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update

Sorry i am a little behind! Emery's nicu reunion was on saturday, it went great! I got to see so many people we havent seen in a while even some babies that came in right before we were about to leave. The only nurse we didn't get to see was Nicole, Emerys primary. She works night shifts so its kinda hard to come to day functions.

In other news. J may not be deployed!!! I cant explain how great that is. I dont want to jinx myself though because WHO KNOWS!
Anyways the deployment was supposed to be in january for 12-13 months. But they pushed it back to May 2010, and J is supposed to get out in June 2011 and techincally you have to be back stateside 90 days before your day out.. so he is undeployable. But they could decide to make him go 6 months.. So , i guess i shouldnt get my hopes up.

Tomorrow Emerys nurse comes to check on her and see how she is doing, I am excited because last time she came Emery was super closed to rolling but not quite there. So I am sure Sam will be excited to see how well she is doing now!
So time to guess Emerys weight.. she was 14 lbs 9 oz last month. Im really not sure how this is gonna go Im thinking she is 15 lbs 6 oz or so but she feels Heavier I just dont know!

It's almost time to upgrade to a new car seat, im looking at the Graco my ride 65, the britax are nice but they are so darn expensive. And the Graco actually looks awesome! Anyone have that one any suggestions!

Also were going car shopping this weekend , we NEED a 4 door. So saturday were going to test drive the Kia Soul Im pretty pumped!

HOLY ROLLER

Emery has been super close to rolling for the past 2 weeks.. She learned how to roll from tummy to back rather quickly since she hated tummy time. But , never even attempted to roll from back to tummy until the past couple weeks. Aparently It all just clicked this week. She rolled for the first time and hasnt stopped since then. And now she is like super close to crawling. Where did my little girl go! Man i thought i still had some time to baby proof apparently not!!! I need to get on that.

On another note, Today is beautiful, One of those days that i wish i had a back yard or at least a patio/balcony. I wish i could just sit on the balcony with Emery in her bouncer and enjoy the fresh air.

Emerys reflux has gotten worse, its evident as of lately the back arching, the clawing at the bottle, and the hiccups are all happening again :-( . Guess i need to call the ped, hopefully its just a simple up the dosage type thing. I really dont want to try any other medicines.

snocones

Yesterday was J's Military Family Fun day... It was mandatory
I never thought i would here mandatory and fun in the same sentence, but well its the military ha ha. Anyways it was fun, free food and raffles! The best part was... They had a snowcone machine, so J got us both a snocone , Emery decided she wanted some so we let her she was opening her mouth so wide and just shoving the ice in her mouth, she was loving it. We would take it away and she would start crying , im guessing it felt great on her teething gums. I never thought i would see a baby gum a snocone to death ahaha it ended up all over her but it was fun! And we took her in the pool, this time i got well a couple pictures. Then i decided i should teach Emery to stick out her tounge , it took a couple trys but she got it , damn proud over here. Next saturday is the NICU reunion, im excited... I think. Here are some pictures from yesterday!