Reflections.

Originally posted on 4/16/09
I was watching Emery play today, it made me tear up a little bit. I watched her bring her hands together swat at the toys on her play mat, laugh when i made faces at her in her play mat mirror.
All these things the doctors and nurses told me that she most likely wouldnt do on time, she is doing.
As i watched her swat at a multi colored crinkly paper parrot, i started to reflect back on the days of her in the nicu.
I remember that everytime something good would happen, the nurses and doctors would follow it up with "but dont get to excited, with every step forward, they can take 3 steps back."
Why do i still feel this way, its like im still preparing myself for a new setback. I shouldnt feel this way, i know i shouldnt. I just do though.
I sometimes get mad at my friends who have a child the same age as emery but they were born full term when they say stuff to me like, Oh emery isnt doing that yet... etc.
Or the awesome comment i got from someone in the grocery store last month, they said something like aw how old is she i replied 5 months, they came back with "oh wow really, whats wrong with her"..
I replied "um excuse me" then she fired back with
"oh well she is just really little, my son was bigger then that when he was a newborn, is she sickly...."
I replied with.. "wow your son must really be a fat ass now, and walked away" probably not the nicest thing i could have said, but.. i was just so taken back by her snide comments.. First off emery isnt that little shes 13lbs and 24inches... thats a little underweight for her age but nothing MONUMENTAL. I didnt even feel like she had the right to know that emery was born premature and that is why she is so little THANK U VERY MUCH!..
I then proceeded to tell emery that she was beautiful, and smart and she is our miracle.
I know she couldnt understand but she just looked at me with her big Gummy grin as if to say, " aw ma dont sweat it" it made me feel better..

I am now going to go play with my little girl , and smile about how amazing my little preemie is doing!